Who made my 2012?

Ok, so i'm sitting in the office now. My younger brother bashed my bumper this morning, and so I had to take my car to the mechanic. Or rather, I had to call the guy to come pick the car up. God knows it's needs a mechanic's touch. These days, i dunno who's driving who...am I driving the car, or is she driving me? Oh yeah, it's a she. My car is a she - a babe. My laptop sef is a babe. But that's another discussion for another day.

In my intense boredom, i decided to continue reading my novel - Clash of Kings. Yeah, by the way, I've started reading novels again! :D You see, sometime ago, I noticed i've not read a single novel for close to 5 years! I mean, is my life so serious that i dont have time to travel into the world of fantasy, adventure, action horror and gore? (I left out sex deliberately). Don't get me wrong, i read oh. But i got so bogged down reading very serious books from Anthony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Jack Welch, Stephen Covey, etc. I have a long waiting list sef, on my bedside table and in my wardrobe - books I've bought but I'm yet to read. A waiting list of serious books. Mscheew. Anyways, I decided to venture back to reading novels, and I have not regretted it. Maybe the reason why I stopped reading novels, was because i discovered the immense value in reading all these serious books. And I'm a cronic overdoer. I like cake, so I eat it a lot. I like(d) novels, so I read them a lot. I discovered these serious books, so I read them a lot too. (I like girls, so I ...)

Anyways, (I've said too much of anyways.) Anyways...I told a certain friend of mine to give me a novel to read. That didnt turn out well. So one day, i decided to plunge in and start with George Martin's Game of Thrones series. It's been a blast! That guy's mind is something else, I tell you. You should see the battle scenes he paints. So graphic, and so alive! And his characters, OMG! They're like SO REAL! I swear, i can relate with Tyrion Lanister (the dwarf - for those of you who have seen the series), and some other pseudo-despicable characters in the book. I'd advise anyone to take the book and read. Give your mind a boost.

Anyways, (here it is again), I sat back to read my book, but the prints on my iPhone is kinda small so I couldnt read for long. I usually read on my iPad - much bigger screen. So I stopped reading, and decided to tweet. No tweet was coming to mind...of which, i think i've lost my twitter mojo. or maybe i've gotten too busy. Who gets too busy to tweet? Sometimes, I get thoughts floating all around my head, and I'm like 'Hmm...I should tweet that!', but I'm just too lazy to pick up the phone. Lol! Of which, someone should invent a tweet app that is installed in the brain! You think up a tweet, then you think 'tweet that!' and it gets tweeted! Just like that! Wait...does my writing this idea mean I have an automatic copyright? Just in case some thieving genius reads my blog in the shower and twists the story... Anyways, you head it here first!

But this is all a bloody digression. This is perhaps what happens when boredom takes over the mind of a young man and he attempts to quell it by writing. My initial discourse was to be on people who made my 2012. And I got the idea by some tweet I happened upon.

(of which, it's past seven, and this mechanic has not come with car. God punish devil).

So, I'll just reel out names of people who made my 2012, and why. Please note that this list is in no order, and it's by no means exhaustive. Remember, I'm bored, and I'm writing this because I forgot my iPad at home. I'm better off reading George Martin, than putting my random thoughts in paper.

Anyways (!!!)...that said, I'll start with Deji Adebusoye. He worked in P&G before he left to INSEAD for his MBA. I've waited for 5 mins in order to try and craft how/why he made my 2012. But I dont have the time, nor the intellectual stamina to try to attempt such a task. So, just take his name. Next, Ifedapo Adeleye. He lectures at the Lagos Business School. Then there's Kemi Ogunyemi, who also lectures at LBS. She selflessly help me in some project I worked on (you'll hear about that soon). She also has this different and inexplicable way of looking at things. Next is some fine baby like that. I wont mention her name. My interaction with her made me a better person. She works on a rig. Lol! (Just so you'd know yourself. And just so the rest of you won't think it's you. :p )

OK, so I just called the mechanic and he is close. Time to pack up and post this. I'll make this list longer, and post it later.

Kindly pardon all my typose jare. For those who frequent my blog frequently, (is that phrase even correct sef? Abeg who cares), you'll know that I'm always very careful with my spelling, puctuation, etc. But tonight...well...

Thanks for reading :)

Do Have a very Merry Christmas and God bless you!

The Hafengers

OK, so I stole another blogpost. I fell in love with found a girl blog that was really cute, and funny. The very first post was hilarious, believe me, and something rang true about it. Twas written, by Her Excellency, Honourable Justice Rantalot. Don't ask. Just enjoy!

Almost on a daily basis, I see all these incredibly, amazingly astounding super-heores on TV. Saving America. Making a difference in Jand. When there’s about to be a nuclear blast, the center of the action is always New York, or Washington, or maybe London sef. But here in Naija…Nothing!!! No super ‘anytin’. We’re on our very own.

If you push someone off a five-storey building, the person will land, face first, because Superman won’t come. If trailer is coming at you and you have nowhere to run, it will jam you because there’s no Incredible Hulk to stop it. If somebody ties you with rope, there's no Wolverine with his knuckle-knives to come and cut it. Or even when you want to buy something and the igbo-guy selling it calls price for you, Professor Xavier won’t be there to help you read his mind and tell you whether he’s cheating you. The list goes on and on and on. We Nigerians are at a disadvantage without super-heroes.

The question then is this – Are Superman and co being unnecessarily unfair? I’ve thought long and hard about it. I have also discussed it at length with my not-so-imaginary friend, Kaptain Private and we have concluded that you can’t blame them. If I were a super-hero, I’d stay away from Nigeria too.

Imagine Batman wants to sharply go rescue someone in Ajah in his Batmobile, and he’s coming from Ikorodu. Before he reaches, the person would either have died or rescued himself. He’ll use one hour to battle potholes in Ikorodu. Police will stop him and ask why his windows are tinted. Okada will bump and scratch his ride. When he’s about to enter Island, they would have closed 3rd Mainland Bridge...etc.

Or say Thor wants to sharply break one armed-robbers head, he finds that someone has stolen the hammer. Yes. The same hammer that only Thor’s supposed to be able to carry. Naija boys will move that thing and nothing will happen.

Magneto, on the other hand, is jejeli performing his duties. He stretches his supernatural hand and calls all the metals to himself. Little does he know that almost everything is fake. When you’re calling silver and gold and it’s only fake fake Aba made things that are there. Aba made things don’t respond to anybody. Magneto would be a waste here.

Perhaps Iron Man wants to run from one bad guy. He jumps from the building and waits for his Iron man suit to come and meet him. Unfortunately, NEPA has taken light. There is no light to open the door for the suit. And Iron Man lands *SPLAT*. The End.

Superman won’t be able to fly, for all the Nepa Poles. He’ll keep getting tangled. And when he rescues someone and he’s flying to take them to a safe place; If he mistakenly flies over Benin, All those ‘birds’ will ‘un-rescue’ the person.

Spiderman nko? Is it buildings that are waiting to collapse he wants to be swinging from. Kaptain Private said Spidey will prolly have to operate Okada. Smh.

If Hulk uses too much power to jump on all these our badly done roads, He’ll end up underground. And then he, the superhero, will need rescuing.

You see how risky the super-hero business is in Naija? Why do you think no Nigerian has even invested in flying suits and such?

The only heroes we can boast of here are babalawos, witches and policemen…“The Hafengers”.

If the super heroes should even decide to come, I can only imagine the things Naija people will ask for -

“Mr Fantastic, I want to do my BIS oh. Abeg stretch hand and get money for me. Thank you, Sir.”

“Thor, see that girl snatched my boyfriend. Use your hammer and bury her for me.”

“Wolverine please help me give my child tribal mark. All three lines at a go.”

“Wonder Woman shey you’ll help me pose and trick my husband. I want to see if the idiot is cheating on me.”

Even kidnappers will start asking Superman to help them hide their victims in Mars.

If you were a superhero, would you come to Naija?
O_o

Yours truly, Rantalot.

Have you stopped laughing? Lol!!!!

Soliloquy

At what point do I stop looking?
At what point do I end this stare so lecherous?
Seeming uninterested, cold stare, unbeckoning
Yet down  below pulses intently. Treacherous
At what point do I step up?
Brace up, firm up
At what point do I speak?
With my tender heart quivering, wondering,
if it will get what it seeks

At what point do we stop being friends
And go a step higher?
I'm pretty damn sure we were made for each other
At what point will you see that?
At what point will all this end?
At what point would you stop running away
And listen to what I have to say?
At what point would I stop being weak?
At what point do i stop longing
for much more than a kiss on my cheek?

In the midst of all ache the intrigue brings,
At what point do I finally realize that you're out of my league?

(c) 2012 Jide Olatunbode

Day 23: She's Gone

Interesting how sudden an inspiration comes in the midst of extreme sadness. This is the first of two. This is meant for you.

She's gone
Right before she came, she's gone
Just before we met, she left
Right before my stare, she disappeared
She's my queen and I know it
She's my heart and I feel it
But after the feeling, it's gone
Just before it came, it's gone
She's the girl of my dreams
Is she gone?

(c) 2012 Jide Olatunbode

Day 20 - A Tale of Two Football Boots

*sigh*

I know. I did it again. This time, on a grander scale. And this time, there's no one to blame. Sadly. My excuse? Really, I have none. Been having very full days and all, though. Anyways, no excuse. I messed up. I'll try to be faithful, but I'm giving no promises. (Dear future wife, please ignore that last statement. God bless you as you do so)

I'll make it up. Today I'm gisting of something quite interesting. Well, I consider it interesting, you be the judge.

As you've figured, I'll be talking about my football boots. You won't believe the interesting story the pair holds. First of all, let me explain the circumstances surrounding the purchase of this striking pair of boots.

I got into the MBA programme with the aim of doing a couple of things. First of all, I wanted to misbehave. Grossly. And that I did. No further comments needed. Secondly, I wanted to improve my spoken Yoruba, my mother tongue. I got my friends like Tolu and Foluke to always converse in Yoruba with me (they never did), and always correct my failings (they always did, after a few rounds of annoying laughter). Thirdly, I wanted to play the guitar, so I bought a cute guitar, got some materials from Akinwunmi, learnt three chords from Uzoma, and have been practising my three chords ever since! I'm kinda having trouble moving gracefully from one chord to the other. Hopefully, I'll have the time to learn more soon.

I never wanted to play football.

To be clear, I like football. I like the thrill of victory and serenity of defeat. I organised an interdepartmental football competition in my undergraduate days and watched how full grown men broke down in tears after losing the semi-finals in a penalty shoot-out. I even spearheaded the supporters' club for my MBA class' football team in our first year. So yeah, football was my thing...watching and enjoying it, not playing it. And by the way, I'm a fan of the best and the richest club in the world. Go figure.

But in my second year, I decided to give playing a shot. I cannot particularly remember why I decided to play. Maybe I figured I had the requisite skills needed to play well (I did), or I could perform better than some centerbacks that were on the team (I could), or maybe the team was incomplete one day and someone asked Jide to make up the numbers. Whatever the reason, fact is, I started playing. And I played well. I wasn't exceptional at first though. There was the learning curve to navigate. But I learned fast. I remember in one of my first matches, when the ball got to me, my head will always be down, looking at the ball, thus hindering my movement and my sight...until someone shouted 'Jide, look up and pass the ball!' And that I did. I subsequently learnt how to move with my eyes scanning for my next move/pass, trusting my feet to handle the ball well. Another hilarious moment was when I was in the box during a match, and the ball was almost zooming past me into the net with some incredible speed, and suddenly, by some reflex, my hands shot up and stopped the ball in mid-air! A penalty was conceded. Luckily, we were leading by five goals, so it wasn't a biggie. I never learnt how to hold both hands behind my back while inside the box until the the very first game of the Dean's Cup competition where I committed the same offence. If not for the dexterity of our goalkeeper, Jonathan, we would have lost that match. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here...

Akin, our team captain, had enough faith in me, and so I made the first team. I can't remember the poor dude I replaced (lol!). Anyways, the highlight of our 'football season' at the Lagos Business School' is the Dean's Cup. As the competition approached, we began to prepare earnestly. I was getting better and better with each training session or friendly match. But there was one problem: I did not have a pair of football boots. :(

Depending on the kind of game, I usually played barefeet, or I used a pair of white sneakers that kind of stood out. The sneakers were good, but was slippery against the grass. And, as my teammates never failed to remind me, it made me look like a secondary school interhouse sport champion or prefect (depending on who was doing the yabbing). Impervious as I was to their jabs, it was still imperative that I get a proper pair of boots against the Dean's Cup competition.

So that's how Funto, Tunde and I went shopping. After a bit of searching I found the perfect pair. But it was N6,500! Can you freaking imagine! Six Thousand, Five Hundred Naira. That's like 4 months of BIS! On top football boot? When I heard the price, I knew the Ibo boys had to be pulling some stunt. Tunde said I should forget it, that the price was exhorbitant. So we left.

I later thought that it wouldn't make sense to train so hard with the team all through the year, and miss playing at the Dean's Cup because of some lousy expensive pair of boots. I then personally went round looking for another pair of boots, but couldn't find. Wait..I didnt tell you guys why the pair of boots was that expensive, and why I couldn't find an alternative. It's simple: I have pretty large feet. No further comments needed.

Anyways, I figured that the only way buying the pair was going to be worth it was if we won the Dean's Cup competition. Anything less would be tantamount to flushing money down the toilet. Literally. So I closed my eyes and bought the pair, saying a prayer that God should smile on my team.

Now fast forward to the first match we played. My team quickly put in two goals into the opponent's net. When the second goal went in, I looked at my boots and smiled. Things were looking up. Second half started, and suddenly our opponents scored. This was shocking to say the least. We gathered ourselves together and 'gingered' a bit. Few minutes afterwards, they scored again! Now it was all leveled. This time, I was scared. Not just because it seemed the game was slipping away from our grasps, but because my capital investment hasn't fully depreciated. In management parlance, I figured that using the straight-line method of depreciation, my boots should fully depreciate in 3 football matches (competition matches, not friendlies, mind you). This was the first match, and it didn't look like we would win. Financial disaster loomed! (It was somewhere around this time I had that slip of the hand. Thank God for Jonathan oh).

By this time, team morale had dropped a couple of notches, but we tried and tried and tried and tried to score, but couldnt. Until the full-time whistle was blown. Truth is, our defence was rock solid - there was Otisi at the left back, Obuns and Feyi in the middle, and of course me at the right. The indefatigable Tito was in the defensive midfield - some airtight sturves, trust me. In fact, Jonathan the goalkeeper was busy replying his blackberry messages while the game was ongoing, because the ball hardly reached his box. But we needed to score, and we needed to score desperately. At least, for my boots' sake. For my N6,500.

Extra time proved no different. We tried and tried and tried and tried to score, but couldnt. Until the final whistle was blown. It was now time for penalties. Anyone who has even an iota of knowledge about football would realise that when the match is to be settled by penalties, it's anybody's game. This one was worse. Our best players were the ones who messed up! All the guys who couldn't score a penalty to save their lives were the ones making the shot, including Otisi who had a broken leg! The penalty scores were so close, that ALL TEN players in each team had to play. Yet there was no clear winner. It was down to a sudden death between the two goal keepers. The tension on the field was so tight, I couldn't watch. The opponents goal keeper took the first shot. A powerful shot. It went over the bar. The jubilation from our camp was thunderous! It was now time for our keeper to take his own shot. If he misses, the penalties would start all over again. If he gets it, we win. Jonathan looked round, visibly peeved at the overstretched penalties.

"Can I take my gloves off?" He asked a nearby teammate.

Of course!

So he hurriedly took his gloves off, walked towards the ball, sized it up and moved back to take the shot.

The silence on the pitch was deafening. I could hear Jonathan's boots moving across the grass from where I was hiding my face.

Jonathan took the shot.

Jonathan scored!

The pitch erupted! Everybody ran towards our star keeper, carrying him and shouting his name. All of a sudden we were in Rome, and Jonathan was our Ceaser, back from conquering the Spartans. Screams of JO-NA-THAN!, JO-NA-THAN,! JO-NA-THAN! filled the air. It was a moment i'd live to remember. Our very first match, a very tough game, and a very deserved win. My boots couldn't agree more.

We went on to win the competition, and we emerged champions, again. My boots finally had its moments on the pitch, and I had my moments of fun and glory.

Now the pair is hung somewhere in my room, together with my gold medal. I'm thinking of building a glass case with gold rims, and putting the boots in it...a tribute to, and a reminder of, the days when I attempted something I had little knowledge of, and succeeded; and also of the great powers in teamwork.

Some pictures...

At the beginning of the competition. From left to right (back) we have Gbenro, Tunde (highest goal scorer), Tosin, Moi, Obuns, Funto. And squatting we have (from left to right) Tito, Feyi, Jonathan, Mojeed and Otisi.

Obuns was my partner in arms. I believe we learnt together cos he was just darn indisciplined when I started. He always wanted to score. Can you imagine a central defender running upfront at every given opportunity with the hope that his luck shines, hereby leaving gaping holes at the back? OR sometimes attempting to score in his own goalpost! But he learnt. We became a solid tag team at the back

The team after winning the gold medal. Notice Akin ostentatiously displaying his captain's band. The guy is just too proud... Also notice the two guys behind holding up the banner. That's Fisayo and Seun. They did so well in holding up that banner, that they were giving gold medals too!

The expanded team members, including those on the bench. Just subtract those in the previous picture from this one, and you'd see who the benchwarmers are. The guy at the extreme left, yeah, the one with height issues, that's Coach Zezu. He did a great job by the way.

The thrill of victory!

Official pose for Nike

Tunde, the highest goal scorer getting his salary from some random babe. *sigh* I wish I scored those goals...

Up and coming football star

And finally, the picture of me in my white boots which made my teammates laugh so hard. If you're not seeing the picture, or if you're seeing an X, please refresh your browser. Keep refreshing, soon enough, the picture would emerge.

Mscheew.

Day 3 - Lessons from my MBA

So it's Day 3 and I skipped Day 2. It wasn't my fault, I tell you. It's all the fault of SisiJacobs who failed to deliver the necessary prodding this time around. Well, technically it wasn't her fault too, but you see, I find it hard to blame myself, so I seek the easiest person around to cast the blame on - poor SisiJacobs. (lol!)

My human frailties aside, let's gist about something much more interesting, like my MBA experience.

I graduated from the University of Lagos with a First Class in Computer Science. I majored in Software development, and it was rumoured that I could write a program to do literally anything! (Pardon my hubris) I won a competition, or two...sought to be hired by some IT firm or two...etc. I was living the good life. Or so it seemed.

But somehow I knew there was a lot missing. There's only so much a first degree can give you in terms of knowledge. In truth, it's kind of a straightjacket experience, my first degree. I wanted to know more...to be more... I didnt want to live my life glued to a computer screen, no matter how enticing the salary. So I decided to write ACCA. Looking back now, that would've been one of the greatest mistakes of my life. Lol! I found (somewhere along the line) that crunching financial numbers could be very similar to churning out computer codes. But by some stroke of luck, I decided to do an MBA instead. Maybe the fact that I got a full scholarship helped in the decision-making process, we'll never know now, would we?

Anyways, I was in a bus yesterday, squeezed tight between two people, enroute to a meeting, and I was thinking back on how far I've grown during this two-year MBA period. When I got to the meeting, someone asked me what my greatest learning is from the MBA. After I bit of thought, I settled on the answer: The MBA changed my way of thinking! Maybe it's the hundreds of real life business cases we did, or the interactions with real business people and real business problem, or whatever. But somehow, I handle issues very differently like I would have 2 years ago. Also, I don't feel as inadequate as I felt after finishing my first degree. In fact, i feel sort of complete. Not complete like I dont need to know anything else. Far from it. Complete, as in, I now know what I know, what I need to know, and how to go about knowing it! (Lol!) It's kinda like the MBA gave me the some tools I need to make the best of my existence, in the business world and in other areas of my life. I may be overstretching it a bit, but I doubt.

No, I won't go into specifics. There's not enough time, believe me. But I'll do this. I'll tell you about the great people I met during my MBA and what my interaction with them taught me.

There's Funto, who taught me the benefit of working with a great person, and the synergies that'll ensue (Not that he's that great :p). Working with my group (Group 4) also taught me how important team selection and team diversity is. The more diverse your team, the richer the ideas it churns out. Interestingly, I also learnt that in a political situation, the best doesn't necessarily win. People (especially very smart people) always believe that their merit will speak for them. In a democracy, that doesn't always work. It's the softer (and sometimes sinister) issues like emotional attachments, what's-in-it-for-me-ness, bad blood, and even tribal sentiments, etc that goes a long way in deciding who gets what. So, if you think you're the best and you're vying for some position or resource, dont just think that by reeling out all your great accomplishments and past leadership positions people would suddenly see how great thou art. It doesn't always work that way, I've learnt.

Otisi taught me hard lessons in appreciating other people's points of view, regardless of how dissenting they may seem. Motolani taught me that love is hardwork and sacrifice. Tomi Ogunlesi taught me the essence of branding yourself and the merit it brings (and also the demerits of overdoing it). Dr. Goke taught me that no idea is useless. Ezechi awed me with his utmost selflessness. I won't say he taught me, cos I'm still learning that one. There's a lesson in my interaction with Fisayo Ojelabi...i'm still figuring that out.

A lot of people also taught me stuff with a negative connotation, but I wont mention their names. Miss X taught me that you cannot be friends with everybody. You shouldn't even try. Just make sure no one has a cogent reason to dislike you. Miss Y taught me that internal change precedes (and perhaps supercedes) external change. If you desire longlasting change, start from within.

I'll stop here. I'm sure you get the point. There's a whole lot of brain adjustment and realignment that has occured during this period. I'm glad I didn't miss out. I'm glad I did an MBA, and I'm glad I did it at the Lagos Business School.

Before the day runs out, I'll drop yesterday's post. Stay tuned.

Ciao.

Day 1 - Do Come Along

Hi everyone,

So today is the 1st of July, and I stumbled on this 30-day challange thingy I felt I should be a part of. Thanks to a lil bit of prodding from SisiJacobs, here's my first post.

Well, it's not a post as in a story, or an article, or something I usually do. I think I should use Day 1 to tell everyone what they should expect in the next 30 days. Believe me when i say it's going to be a ride you do not want to miss.

First of all, I'm going through some sort of turning point in my life. I'm rounding off my MBA at the Lagos Business School and I'm at that point where I'm beginning to ask 'What Next?' I intend doing a bit of planning, and soul searching. Would share a bit of that with you. Just a bit. hehe...

Secondly, during this period, i'd also be reading a lot of books! Mostly business management and motivational sort of books. I'm currently reading Jack Welsh's Winning, which, in my opinion, is a must read for every employee (let's ignore the employers for now. They have enough money). I'd be sharing some insights and ideas I get from them. I'll start with Winning. I promise to shock you with that post. Or not.

Ah yes! I'm launching a book soon! Sometimes this month, my book on Academic Excellence is going to be launched. It's really looking like a fun-filled month already. I'll fill you in on that one too as it develops.

And finally, my birthday is on the 16th. I'll be 85. I know...I'm old but still hot and all. I told my friends on facebook (and I'm telling you too), that I want a Nikon camera for my birthday. I know you guys love me and all, but it's time to prove it! :p

All things being equal, I should begin my first post-MBA job too. Very intense month, I tell you. You know it's at the beginning of a new job where you try to impress your bosses as much as possible - make them believe you can brew coffee from breeze leaves, etc. I'll fill you guys in on my miserable attempts. Not that this job is entirely new per se...(shhhh....I won't tell you any more. Till that day comes. Whatever day it is)

So, fasten your seatbeats, sit back and relax cos we're going to be crusing at an altitude of 33,000 feet above sea levels...bla bla bla...

Let the adventure begin.

Ad Heckle Ultimo

I know I said I wouldn't do this
I promised myself I'd wean
But here I am, still going through this
Kinda like a battle I cannot win
It's an impossible task trying to avoid you
Or how do I run from where my heart leads?
How do I know when my time's due?
How would I stop listening? How would I heed?
How do I erase all the memories?
How do I even begin to breathe?
How do I stop the fantasies?
I don't want, but damn, I so need!

Your scent lingers on my nostrils
Tugging. Taunting. Torturing.

Your face seared on my mind, still
How I get by is simply beyond me
The sad part is you don't see what I see, how I see it
The hard part is you don't feel what I feel, how I feel it
I'm left with faded whispers and distant echoes, broken blisters and tumbled legos
Clay dessert, a tuneless song,

My worded heart, my silent tongue.

(c) 2012 Jide Olatunbode

My Response to Sanusi Lamido Sanusi

I'm largely apolitical. I believe that in a democracy, the people deserve the kind of government they get. I also believe that in an argument, especially one where both sides are largely intellectuals, it would be foolhardy to blindly pitch camp with any side. Truth is, given certain facts, people have a way of viewing it through their own lenses - the half-full/half-empty conundrum.

It is in light of the foregoing that I hardly comment on various opinions flying east and west across cyberspace, especially as regards the fuel subsidy removal. If you stand in the shoes of every debater either pro or against subsidy removal, you will see that a good number of them have solid arguments. I will not bother you here with any of these arguments, but I'm sure you get the point.

But on reading Sanusi Lamido Sanusi's response on subsidy removal, I was amazed by his tone and some of his thoughts on the issue. I decided to address same. You can read it Sanusi's response here. Let me first state categorically that I'm not writing to debunk Sanusi's arguments. I'm certain that deep intellectual thought must have gone into the decision to remove fuel subsidy. Sanusi, in his response, gave reasons why the subsidy removal was the way to go, and his reasons seem very sound. I have no problem with that. My grouse is with the attitude with which this highly placed economist touts while giving his reasons. First, he begins with the faulty premise that PMS is the "fuel used by the middle class and car owners to drive around town and from city to city not to employ workers and produce goods and services." He goes on to say that when the subsidy on diesel was removed, nobody seemed to blink because it only affected the blue-collar workers; and the noise being made in all media now is simply because the rise in PMS price is going to affect the way the middle class fuels their 'smart cars'. The final straw was the plea to stop all ideological pretenses. He says this discourse should be between the elite. In other words, it has nothing to do with the masses.


Shege!

Let's look at those statements closely. Is it really true that PMS does not produce goods and services? What powers the large majority of the road transport system? Diesel? Of course not. Can every business afford the high-powered generators that consume diesel? Of course not. And who says this isn't about the masses? Trust me, when push comes to shove, the middle class will survive, and we would not be having this debate. The brunt of this whole fiasco is borne by our electrician who was booed out of the bus because he protested the fare that had doubled ("Abeg comot for my moto. You no hear say fuel na N145?). The brunt is borne by the factory worker whose lunch of boli and epa has suddenly become pricey. The brunt is borne by the ordinary worker who stays in Festac, works in Ajah and commutes to work via public transport. All these people don't own smart cars, and cannot be said to be middleclass or elite. Yet their lives have been changed dramatically by this very smart economic policy.

This snooty attitude - the belief that the problem boils down to a discussion between the elite - is perhaps one of the reasons why a sound policy like this could be rejected by millions of good thinking individuals. How else would you explain the rationale for announcing the removal of PMS subsidy right in the middle of the New Year festivities? How else could you explain the absence of any palliative measures until the country erupted? Sanusi does not deserve the credit entirely. You see, until we begin to elect ordinary Nigerian citizens into public office, there would always be a disconnect between the policies they develop and the realities of the common man.

And that, my friends, is where the problem lies. Think about it: When these policies were being formed, it would seem that no thought was given to the condition of the masses and how they would be affected by it. Even when every single social medium was overflowing with tales of woe that would befall the masses once the subsidy is removed, my CBN Governor called it ideological pretenses! Amazing! This begs the question: who then do you create economic policies for? The elite? Or the teeming masses? It is this myopic perspective...this seeming inability to look past the economics and see the big picture that has brought us to the impasse we're in now.

I believe we have the intellectual wherewithal to effect considerable change in this country. But I also believe that mind-sets like the one Sanusi portrayed in his statements need to be changed for effective and seamless change to be possible. Nigeria is not just made up of middle-class elite that require an intellectual discourse on the tenets of sound economic policy each time a controversial decision is about to be taken. In fact, the middle class form only an infinitesimal fraction of Nigerians. The majority of Nigerians are people who, on a daily basis, struggle to survive. These people must be made to understand what the future holds for them in light of these policies - communicated to them in a way and manner they understand. Measures should also be put in place to ensure that the brunt is not too blunt that it bruises. I sincerely do not need to say all of these. The simple realization that the masses exist and are affected would create the right atmosphere that would engender the right kind of thinking.

On a final note, compare Sanusi's response to the one given by Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. You can read it here. The stark contrast between the two becomes apparent. One could argue that NOI understands the role the masses play in an economy, or that she has interacted with more sophisticated economies, or some other delicate arguments. But I'd leave that discussion for another time.

God bless Nigeria.

I'm on twitter: @olatunbode

Goodluck's Address

Here is what your President said today on National Television

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Dear Compatriots:

1.     A week ago, I had cause to address Nigerians on the security challenges we are facing in parts of the country, which necessitated the declaration of a state of emergency in 15 Local Government Areas in four states of the Federation. That course of action attracted widespread support and a demonstration of understanding. With that declaration, government had again signaled its intention to combat terrorism with renewed vigour and to assure every Nigerian of safety.

2.    The support that we have received in the fight against terrorism from concerned Nigerians at home and abroad has been remarkable. We believe that it is with such continued support that progress can be made on national issues. Let me express my heartfelt appreciation to everyone who has expressed a commitment to support us as we strive to improve on the country’s security situation, and build a stronger foundation for the future.  The recent mindless acts of violence in Gombe, Potiskum, Jimeta-Yola and Mubi are unfortunate. I urge all Nigerians to eschew bitterness and acrimony and live together in harmony and peace. Wherever there is any threat to public peace, our security agencies will enforce the law, without fear or favour.

3.    This evening, I address you, again, with much concern over an issue that borders on the national economy, the oil industry and national progress.  As part of our efforts to transform the economy and guarantee prosperity for all Nigerians, Government, a few days ago, announced further deregulation of the downstream petroleumsector. The immediate effect of this has been the removal of the subsidy on petrol.

4.    Since the announcement, there have been mixed reactions to the policy. Let me seize this opportunity to assure all Nigerians that I feel the pain that you all feel.  I personally feel pained to see the sharp increase in transport fares and the prices of goods and services. I share the anguish of all persons who had travelled out of their stations, who had to pay more on the return leg of their journeys.

5.    If I were not here to lead the process of national renewal, if I were in your shoes at this moment, I probably would have reacted in the same manner as some of our compatriots, or hold the same critical views about government.  But I need to use this opportunity as your President to address Nigerians on the realities on the ground, and why we chose to act as we did. I know that these are not easy times. But tough choices have to be made to safeguard the economy and our collective survival as a nation.

6.     My fellow Nigerians, the truth is that we are all faced with two basic choices with regard to the management of the downstream petroleum sector: either we deregulate and survive economically, or we continue with a subsidy regime that will continue to undermine our economy and potential for growth, and face serious consequences.

7.    As you all know, the subject of deregulation is not new, we have been grappling with it for more than two decades. Previous administrations tinkered with the pump price of petroleum products, and were unable to effect complete deregulation of the downstream sector. This approach has not worked.  If it did, we would not be here talking about deregulation today. I understand fully well that deregulation is not a magic formula that will address every economic challenge, but it provides a good entry point for transforming the economy, and for ensuring transparency and competitiveness in the oil industry, which is the mainstay of our economy.

8.    As a President, elected and supported by ordinary Nigerians, and the vast majority of our people, I have a duty to bring up policies and programmes that will grow the economy and bring about greater benefits for the people.  Let me assure you that as your President, I have no intention to inflict pain on Nigerians.

9.     The deregulation of the petroleum sector is a necessary step that we had to take. Should we continue to do things the same way, and face more serious economic challenges? Or deregulate, endure the initial discomfort and reap better benefits later? I want to assure every Nigerian that whatever pain you may feel at the moment, will be temporary.

10.    The interest of the ordinary people of this country will always remain topmost in my priorities as a leader. I remain passionately committed to achieving significant and enduring improvements in our economy that will lead to sustained improvement in the lives of our people.

11.    I am determined to leave behind a better Nigeria, which we all can be proud of. To do so, I must make sure that we have the resources and the means to grow our economy to be resilient, and to sustain improved livelihood for our people. We must act in the public interest, no matter how tough, for the pains of today cannot be compared to the benefits of tomorrow.  On assumption of office as President, I swore to an oath to always act in the best interest of the people. I remain faithful to that undertaking.

12.     To save Nigeria, we must all be prepared to make sacrifices.  On the part of Government, we are taking several measures aimed at cutting the size and cost of governance, including on-going and continuous effort to reduce the size of our recurrent expenditure and increase capital spending. In this regard, I have directed that overseas travels by all political office holders, including the President, should be reduced to the barest minimum. The size of delegations on foreign trips will also be drastically reduced; only trips that are absolutely necessary will be approved.

13.    For the year 2012, the basic salaries of all political office holders in the Executive arm of government will be reduced by 25%. Government is also currently reviewing the number of committees, commissions and parastatals with overlapping responsibilities. The Report on this will be submitted shortly and the recommendations will be promptly implemented. In the meantime, all Ministries, Departments and Agencies must reduce their overhead expenses.

14.    We are all greatly concerned about the issue of corruption. The deregulation policy is the strongest measure to tackle this challenge in the downstream sector. In addition, government is taking other steps to further sanitize the oil industry.

15.    To ensure that the funds from petroleum subsidy removal are spent prudently on projects that will build a greater Nigeria, I have established a committee to oversee the implementation of the Subsidy Reinvestment and Empowerment Programme. I sincerely believe that the reinvestment of the petroleum subsidy funds, to ensure improvement in national infrastructure, power supply, transportation, irrigation and agriculture, education, healthcare, and other social services, is in the best interest of our people.

16.    Fellow Nigerians, I know that the removal of the petroleum subsidy imposes an initial burden on our people, especially the rising cost of transportation.  Government will be vigilant and act decisively to curb the excesses of those that want to exploit the current situation for selfish gains.  I plead for the understanding of all Nigerians.  I appeal to our youth not to allow mischief-makers to exploit present circumstances to mislead or incite them to disturb public peace.

17.     To address the immediate challenges that have been identified, I have directed all Ministries, Departments and Agencies of government to embark immediately on all projects, which have been designed to cushion the impact of the subsidy removal in the short, medium and long-term, as outlined in the Subsidy Reinvestment and Empowerment Programme Document.

18.     Tomorrow, 8th January, I will formally launch a robust mass transit intervention programme to bring down the cost of transportation across the country. The programme will be implemented in partnership with state and local governments, labour unions, transport owners, and banking institutions, and supported with the provision of funding at zero interest rate as well as import duty waiver on all needed parts for locally-made mass transit vehicles, which will create additional jobs in the economy.

19.    We will keep these incentives in place for as long as it takes. I want to assure you that Government will not rest until we bring down the cost of transportation for our people.  Let me thank the transporters’ associations that have agreed to reduce transport fares. I have directed the Minister of Labour and Productivity to work with these associations to come up with a sustainable plan to guarantee this within the shortest possible time.

20.     In addition, I have ordered the mobilization of contractors for the full rehabilitation of the Port Harcourt –Maiduguri Railway Line and the completion of the Lagos-Kano Railway Line. I have also directed the immediate commencement of a Public Works programme that will engage the services of about 10, 000 youths in every state of the Federation and the Federal Capital Territory. This will create an additional 370, 000 jobs.

21.    Government has taken these decisions in the best interest of our economy, so that we not only have benefits today, but to ensure that we bequeath even greater benefits to our children and grandchildren.

22.     Let me assure Nigerians that every possible effort will be made to ensure that we march forward, with a collective resolve to build a Nigeria that can generate greater economic growth, create and sustain new jobs, and secure the future of our children.

23.     This Administration will aggressively implement its programme to reposition and strengthen our economy, while paying adequate attention to the immediate needs of our citizens.

24.     I assure you all that we will work towards achieving full domestic refining of petroleum products with the attendant benefits.

25.     As I ask for the full understanding of all Nigerians, I also promise that I will keep my word.

26.    Thank you. May God bless you; and may God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, GCFR
President
Federal Republic of Nigeria
January 7, 2012

How to Love - A True Story

"Adele sweet, would you play me another tune?" I asked softly.

"Sure my love," she replied, as she lifted her guitar from where it stood and immediately started stroking it. I recognised the tune immediately. I loved that song! I loved all her songs in fact. Her deep lyrics and melancholic tunes were what made me fall in love with this skinny, dark-skinned beauty. I wonder what goes on in that braid-covered head of hers when she writes.

Hmm...The opening tune was to end in a few beats, and she was just about to open her mouth to sing in her sonorous and uplifting voice. My face inched closer to hers slowly as if proximity would enhance the intensity of the song. Suddenly, the unexpected happened. My face couldn't have been any closer when she turned her face away from mine and promptly threw up!

What?! I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Or was I seeing it? She threw up again! And again! Brown bits of goo were hurling out of her mouth at light speed. All of a sudden the lights began to grow dim...

Wait a minute...I was on my bed all of a sudden. Where is Adele? I couldn't see anything, but the puking sounds continued somewhere in the background. Then it hit me: I was dreaming. Adele doesn't even know I exist (the real Adele and my own version). Life could be full of shit sometimes.

But someone threw up yet again! The puking sounds were real! I sat up abruptly and looked at Tobi who sat by the edge of the bed. He kept on puking and puking and puking and puking.

The thought of slimy puke all over my room was repulsive.

"Go into the bathroom nah," I yelled. Tobi obediently went to the bathroom, and resumed puking. By now the stench was so much, I had to step out of the room.

I entered the living room, where I met my Uncle working on his laptop.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Tobi is vomiting again," I said.

"Again?" he asked, as he got up and went into the room to check up on Tobi.

I winced! I expected my uncle to rush out any second, overpowered by the stench in the room. You see, my uncle has a legendary sense of smell; one that rivals the likes of Marvel's Daredevil. Legend has it that whenever he comes home from work, his driver jokingly asks him what's cooking in the kitchen. And inside a locked, air-conditioned vehicle, he accurately tells what the food is by the smell he percieves!

Yet, amazingly, he didnt rush out of the room crying foul.

Anyways, warreva! This puking kid just disturbed the most beautiful dream ever. Adele and I were just about to set fire to the rain. As I leaned back on the sofa in the living room, my mind tried to recreate the scene of the dream again. The thought of thinking about the dream was as stimulating as the dream itself. Ah, yes, i remember. She was playing me a song. For those few minutes, music was the food of our love, and reality just became our hemlock. Why tonight of all nights did Tobi's gut decide to rebel? Couldn't they occupy somewhere in the multiple folds of his bowels? Let's hope he finishes spilling his gut (trust me, not even in the mood for puns), and cleans up the shit on the floor and everywhere else in the room. I have a sweet dream to dream.

My uncle strolled out of the crime scene looking perplexed and walking towards the kitchen.

"Didn't you perceive the smell?" I asked.

"What smell?"

"The smell of vomit all over the room." Wait oh, abi someone dosed my uncle with Kriptonite ni?? (or whatever was Daredevil's weakness)

"Oh, yes I did."

I looked at him incredulously.

"So, how come you were able to stay in the room for so long??"

"He needs help na," said my uncle, as he walked into the kitchen.

Pause.

Pause.

Think.

Think.

Reflect.

Reflect.

Regret.

"He needs help na."

Those simple words got me thinking. Here was someone whose sense of smell was easily 5 times the power of mine; who would definitely be assaulted incessantly by the reeking room. Yet all that didnt matter. It wasn't even a consideration, all because a young boy needed help. This could only be what love truly is.

Interestingly, my Uncle was on his way to the room, with a bucket and mop, in the bid to help the lad clean up the mess. With all these thoughts swarming in my head, I stood up and went to help. I guess I could start learning how to love from this moment. When you put your mind to it, cleaning up vomit isn't so bad afterall. All I needed was a huge towel dipped in washing liquid and spread on the floor covering the vomit (lol! I'm about to go gross!). Then turning the towel this way and that until the vomit is all wrapped inside the cloth, I lift the heavy towel off the floor and take it out straight to the big bin. See! All that was left was me mopping a semi-dirty floor and removing every form of cloth away to be washed. Shikenan.

Afterwards I felt happy with myself (my uncle had taken Tobi to the hospital). First of all, I learnt an innovative way of cleaning vomit without it touching my hands :D, but more importantly, I learnt an important lesson on love. You see, it's easy for people to claim to love you in the good times. But when you're down, dirty and helpless, when you've committed that heinous crime, when you've failed miserably, when you've puked all over yourself in the middle of the ballroom; it's those who stay behind, those who are sincere, yet comforting, those who won't allow you to stew in your puke or roll in your grime, those are the ones who truly love you. Those are the ones who truly know how to love.

I'm learning how to love.

Need to go back to sleep now. Adele needs to know about my new found insights on love ;)

Bon nuit.

Crazy Photo Stories

When I'm not listening to lectures in class, or rewatching Supernatural or...well...some other movie clips, I'm taking photographs, and in my mind i'm really good at it. Lemme show you a couple of the darnest pictures I took recently....

This first one is the boring-est of them all, but quite interesting. I wonder if this is a millipede or centipede? I hear centipedes are predatory...so since this crawling darling didnt attempt to eat me up, i guess it's a sweet millipede.

Moving on...

This one's for Segun Olomofe :p

This next one is a snail on my front porch. Interestingly, when I put this photo up on my bb, Segun Olomofe said I didnt have a front porch, cos front porches belong to the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of this world! Can you freaking imagine! She needs a dictionary I tell you. And then someone else said I should catch and eat the damn snail! Sheesh!! No comment :p I allowed the snail go...needless to say.

Hmm...therez a whole story in this picture. I was seating in the front seat of this danfo and noticed that his gas pedal was connected to his gear by a metal cord! What's worse, we were speeding on Lekki expressway when all of a sudden his brake snapped! He started stepping vigorously on his brakes, yet the bus never stopped!! I brought out my fone and began to tweet...at least I will have last words. The amazing thing was that this stupid driver kept moving on to Ajah, without brakes!. He deserved an award for crass brashness. What was more amazing was me waiting in the bus till he got to Ajah. I either had blind faith, or utmost stupidity. Or both.

This next photo is a very colourful dragonfly. It's at moments like this I wish I had Chioma's camera. I couldn't adequately capture the beauty of this creature with my blackberry camera (which was what I used for all the others). Compare this with the very next photo...a glowing spider! An exquisite beauty if you ask me. You can trace out its connected legs and the small tip at the end of them...kinda like little toes. lol!

Isn't that a mosquito?? I'm damn sure it is. So what the hell is it doing on a tree? Maybe the poor thing is blind? Or maybe it has decided to stop drinking human blood. Is there some form of mosquito Sookie Stackhouse converting all mosquitos into vegetarians??? 

Now this is just the clincher. Fly sex! #okbye.