It's been a while we spoke. So much has happened. There's so much I want to tell you. Been so busy over the past few months relocating and all, I sort of put this relationship in the backburner. I apologise my dear.
Yes, Relocating. Relocated to Kenya a couple of months ago.
B: A couple of months?? A COUPLE OF MONTHS?? And you failed to mention?
Calm down na. 'Twas hectic and all. Oya sorry, ma binu.
B: Hmm...okay fine. Why relocate?
It's work jare. Got this interesting assignment in Nairobi.
B: Osheyy Barrddest!!! Tell me ALL about it.
Hmm...where do I start? OK, let me tell you a couple of things that struck me when i first got here?
B: Dont you dare leave anything out!
But it's a lot na. Don't worry, i'll break this up into gists. You'll get everything in the end, trust me.
B: Ok go on, I'm listening.
So, first thing: It's cold in Kenya!
Yes. you heard me. Cold! I arrived in the middle of 'winter' - it was about 10 - 14 degrees celcius and I needed a heater and two hot water bottles to sleep warmly! It's crazy! And the most annoying part is, when I tell my naija friends that it's cold here, they say
"Cold? In Kenya?? is Kenya not in Africa?"
As if cold weather is a respecter of continents 😐
Normally, I'd go ahead and give them a quick lesson in Geography 101, about how Kenya is elevated etc etc, but these days, I just shake my head and change the subject quickly. No time.
Can't help it, mehn. Worse still, is when someone asks,
"So, Jide, how far away is Kenya from Lagos by plane?"
"Close to 6hours"
"6 hours???!!! Why na?? But that's like from here to London...."
2. The people are warm! Almost Nigerian-like. Almost. (Dear Nigerians, there're no warmer people like you, anywhere in the world! Twale! 🙌). My first interaction with the Kenya people was at an offsite office meeting. I was my very calm self,
All the while, I sat there, thinking this was the very first time I've heard that word spoken out loud, at the same time smiling and basking in this supposed oomph my Nigerian heritage bestowed on me. 'Twas then I became a part of the team 😎.
3. Their girls love Nigerian men. Well...I was once corrected by a male Kenyan when he said, "Our girls don't like Nigerian men...only their money!"
And I was left wondering what the difference was between a man and his money.
By the way, Nigerians are renowned for thier largesse, and ostentatious display of wealth (mostly gotten from 'unknown' sources). Still, Mr. Man,
Also, it seems Kenya men don't show as much affection to their female partners...in words, currency and deeds (LOL) - generally speaking, that is. And since, Nigerians are renowned for their exuberant endearment, and ostentatious display of affection towards their women, Darwin's Law of Natural Selection accurately predicts that Kenyan women would naturally (lol!) gravitate towards Nigerian men and their money (however ill-gotten, and especially as they - Nigerian men - are in short supply within proximity). See how the combined laws of biology and economics are working against the poor Kenya dudes 👅.
There is a good lesson here for the Nigerian ladies: Your men are of huge value elsewhere. #AppreciateANigerianManToday
And a caveat for my Dear Future Nigerian Wife: banish fear and doubt; i'm all yours!
4. Last one for today B
B: Oh no. I was just grabbing my popcorn for more stories!
LOL. I'm a bit tired. I promise to continue next week.
B. Cross your heart?
Cross my heart.
B. Okay. go on.
So, there's so much stereotype about West Africans, it's amazing! I spent the first few months trying hard to dissociate myself from a couple of them: They say Nigerians (read West Africans) like very spicy foods (I don't!). They say Nigerians are drug dealers and conmen (read a book please). They say Nigerians can dance very well (err...for me, not so much). They say we go to clubs and spray money on our women and friends while singing PSquare's 'Chop My Money' (What now???). They say our food smells (this particular stereotype is local to the guys in the office - another story for another day B). They say we buy multiple bottles of alcoholic drinks at parties (well, this is kinda true. LOL). It's so bad that when I hang out with friends, and I'm simply drinking from my glass of red wine, someone would approach and say, "Jide, where are the bottles?? Aren't you a Nigerian??"
Anyways, i've learnt to live with it. I'm Nigerian and proud. Made up my mind to accept the good and deflect the bad. Nothing do me!
Talk to you next week B. Promise to have more juicy stories for you, as you walk with me through this journey of more success, in this land of opportunity and adventure!
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