Where do I begin? Should I start from the beginning where you were calling me incessantly, and though I was initially wary, I began to love every moment of it? Or should I start from the middle where the love became mutual and we began looking forward to seeing each other first the first time? Or should I start from the end - yes there's an end - where an undisclosed and therefore an unfulfilled expectation resulted in bitter disappointments? Where do I begin?
Usually, endings create an atmosphere for retrospective thinking. So I've had more than enough time to think about what happened to us; what went wrong. I've analyzed, I've scrutinized, and I've thoroughly evaluated. And even though I make it a matter of deliberate policy not to point the blaming finger at anybody, I'll have to take an exception here, and you'll have to pardon me upfront. Also, forgive me for the blunders that may exist in my words. I don't intend making this any literary masterpiece. I'm just going to tell it as it is...
23-05-2010 1743hrs
I wrote those words last year in my jotter. Then I was filled with indignation and was slightly peeved at the way you were behaving, and the distance you were bringing between us. I wanted to mail it to you, but, somehow, I never got around to completing it. Thank God I didn't, cos it would have simply complicated things further. I know there's a lot of things that has happened between us. Can we just let it go? Can we move on? Can we forget the past, the hurts, the pain, and move on?
Whats the point of being friends and loving if we don't get to forgive? Some times people mess up, and most times they make up. Please don't be a past chapter in my life. I want you perpetually at the forefront. It's too late to think of letting you go. You're already a part of me. Letting you go will hurt many times as much as this break you've put us in.
I desperately want my friend back, Sue Loom*. I need my friend back.
Please.
Me.
20-08-2010 0257hrs
Once again, I read my words, but this time I'm filled with joy. I'm filled with a variety of exhilarating feelings because you understood; because you took me back; because you accepted me. For this, I'm eternally grateful. Words cannot begin to tell the extent of the emotions flooding my heart. I'm like the luckiest man alive: I have you. Thanks for being there. Thanks for being you. Thanks for understanding the errancy of the human nature, and the clemency of the divine one. Thanks for putting the past behind. Thanks for sharing my present. Thanks for the existence of an anticipated future. I know you know I'll still mess up; thanks for sticking your heart out all the same. Thanks for being the greater person, better than I'd ever be. Thanks for loving me; even though you don't say it, because sometimes the words don't count, especially when the deeds are screaming loudly against your ears.
I love you back, for now that's all to be said. And I'll always love you, from now, even till my death bed.
Me.
*alias
No comments:
Post a Comment