Fisayo’s Warning

"Jide, you should stop taking your laptop home. Leave it in the office and lock it. It's safer that way"

I looked up from where I sat, and smiled at Fisayo - that kind of knowing smile you give when a little child makes a cute but asinine remark. It was Monday morning, and I certainly didn’t have time for iranu.

“And if I don’t? What’s the worst that could happen?” I queried.

“Ah! Don’t say that oh.” Fisayo exclaimed, “Someone can easily snatch it from you on the road. And it is even against company policy to carry laptops out of the office if you don’t have a car.”

Now I was beginning to think that one of his ogas had sent him to me. I did a quick scan through the office to see if we were being watched covertly.

“Well, I have been carrying my personal laptop for years now, and nothing has happened. So free me.”

“But, you have a laptop at home,” Fisayo insisted. “Can’t you carry some of your work home and use your personal laptop?”

“Yes, I could. But it could get messy with all the similar files of different versions in separate laptops. I like to keep things simple, and it’s simpler this way,” I rationalized. “Who want to come and snatch my laptop sef? Ehn?”

“Me, I don’t know oh!” Fisayo said, backing away with his hands up in the air. “When something happens now, don’t come and ask me who sent them oh!”

We laughed profusely at Fisayo’s joke.

Fisayo is my friend and colleague at the Lagos Business School, and we’re currently running an internship programme in a company in Ikeja. He is not the loquacious type, so I wonder what made him come to my desk with such comments l’aaro kutukutu. Had I been the superstitious type, I’d have said it was some form of divine warning (I hadn’t watched enough African Magic to jump to that conclusion). But I decided it was better to be safe than sorry. So I took the most rational (I think!) decision, and left my laptop at work that day. And the next day. And the next day.

Now Thursday (today) was a different issue. I travelled during the day and left some work unattended to. So I had a lot of catching up to do when I got back. I left my workplace by 7pm. This time around I didn’t even give it a thought: I simply packed my laptop into my laptop bag and headed out of the office. I had 3 stops before going home, and they were all on Allen Avenue. So I made the first stop at the ATM, withdrew some cash, and then stopped at my friend’s place. The plan was to make a final stop at Stop Centre (no pun intended!) and then head home. But Stop Centre was closed already.

‘Oh well,’ I thought to myself, ‘Lemme end the day with an ice-cream cone.” KFC was just beside Stop Centre and it was looking so bright, busy and full. So I went in. After waiting for a couple of minutes, I bought the ice-cream and headed out to hail a cab home.

Just a few paces away from KFC, a bike zoomed past me. A guy alighted from the bike and headed directly towards me. He brought out a metal something.

“You, stop there. I am holding a gun. Kneel down. Drop your bag.”

I froze. Literally. This guy was actually holding something that looked like a gun. My mind raced. What should I do? Was that a gun? I stepped back a little.

“I said stop there!” the gunman barked. He charged forward, attempting to grab my bag, but I held on to it, firmly.

A second bike pulled over and another man alighted and came directly at me again. This one held a metal rod.

“Guy, drop that bag!” he said. And with his rod, he hit my wrist. The laptop bag dropped involuntarily. The guy picked it up and ran forward with his second. I chased them, trying to get the bag back.

The bikes they used seem to appear out of nowhere, and they got on it, and zoomed off.

It all happened in a split second. I paused for a moment, then it hit me: they just stole the office laptop! I momentarily lost my senses. My laptop? Office laptop? Oh my God! And I was warned. I was warned. I was warned. I kept repeating “I was warned”, like it was some life-saving mantra. Some passersby came to enquire what happened. I simply ignore them and walked on. I wanted to get home as quickly as possible. Everybody seemed a suspect. Every dark corner seemed to house another robber on the verge of pouncing. My pace quickened and I hailed the next available bike. And I went home.

Now, as I type this I realize Fisayo’s warning was actually a divine one – African Magic or no African Magic. And I disregarded it to my own peril. My current psychological state is in a maze and is sort of hard to describe. Am I feeling angry? Definitely not…something deeper. Hurt? Nope...something much stronger. Confused? Close, but no. Devastated? Yes. Exactly. I am devastated.

I’m going to do a couple of things. And if you are a reader, you’d be wise to do them too. Please don’t be like me and rationalize. I’ve carried a laptop on the streets of Lagos for over 7 years (I had to count!). I’m practically a night crawler…I define late as anything past 10:30pm. I’ve travelled from Awka, Anambra State and gotten to Lagos at midnight with my laptop slung over my shoulders. My laptop was my second skin, and tonight I was flayed. So when I say this could happen to anybody, please trust me.

So, as much as humanly possible,

1. My laptop is always going to be in the trunk of a cab or car when I’m in transit
2. I’m out of my office by 5:30 latest. Any work undone will be done the next day, God helping me
3. 7pm should always meet me in my house. Late has just been redefined.

Now, the quality of my life can take two different turns. At one extreme, I become overly cautious and suspicious and sensitive; looking from the both corners of my eyes and being afraid of even my shadow. At the other extreme, I might decide to live life at its fullest because the next second might be my last – merrymaking, clubbing, partying, and generally having fun would become the order of the day. Let’s see how it goes.

Of course there’s a third option. But the chances that I’d remain the same person I was before the incident is not just very slim – it’s clearly impossible. Sadly.