Stop Asking When I'm Getting Married! Dammit!

Source: http://goo.gl/BfFu1V

So! My twin brother, Diran, got married last December. It was a beautiful wedding and he married a beautiful bride, Folusayo :) (See pictures below).

And as much as I love weddings, this one had one downside: the funny looks I was getting from 'supposed' friends and family. You see, when your twin gets married, everybody starts to wonder when you too are going to tie the knot. 'Everybody' fell into the following general groups:


Frank Family: These were sincere family members, who honestly believed Jide was getting old.

FF: Jide, you know you're not getting any younger. Ehn? When do you want to settle down? Ehn? When are we meeting her? Ehn? Why is she not here for your brother's wedding? Ehn? Don't you know this is the best time for her to meet the family? Ehn?? You better marry now oh. Ehn?? Do you want to pay school fees when you're 70years old?? Ehn?? Ehn???

Jide: *shoots own head*

Party Planner: These ones were just looking for the next owambe to attend

PP: Jide, when are we coming for your own wedding na? Give us enough time to prepare oo. And we dont want Ankara, we prefer Lace...

Jide: *runs into a speeding truck*

Believable Brutus: On the surface, this group seemed to be empathetic to my plight. I felt they understood my pain about wanting to be free of all the 'conjugal' pressures, and they were pretty much believable...complete with sad faces and all. But behind the scenes, they also had their own agenda

BB:  'Jide, don't mind them jare. Take your time. God's time is the best. Don't put yourself under pressure, okay?'

Jide: 'Thank you Aunty,' I replied with a half sigh of relief

BB: 'It's okay my dear. Pele. But have you met my friend's daughter, Bisola? She is sitting beside me on the table, whenever you are free you can come and ...

Jide: 'Et tu, Aunty?' '*slits wrist*

Match Makers: These shameless ones made no attempt to cloak their motives. They went straight into business:

MM: Jide, wa, see this lady's picture on my phone. Do you like her? She is a very good girl oh. Hmm. A very good homemaker too. Omo dada ni, I'm telling you!. She will take very good care of you gaann. Oya take her number down...zero eight zero...

Jide: *picks up table knife and stabs self repeatedly*

Sophomoric Sage: These ones are the absolute worst! They are newly weds, who suddenly believe that, just because they're already married, they have more marriage or spouse-finding wisdom, than the rest of us brain-dead, socially-stunted, stupid, single folks - even if their marriage is only a week old.

SS1: Hmm, Jide, it's not easy oh...finding the right person to marry. You just have to trust God to make the decision for you. I'll be praying for you, you hear? Don't worry. See, before God showed me my wife ehn, I had a dream...

SS2: Ah ahn, Jide, all these girls that are around you nko? Pick one and marry na. Abi are they not fine enough? Na wa oh. What else are you looking for? You see, when you marry, the fineness will disappear! I'm telling you! When I married my wife ehn...

Jide: *picks gun and shoots both THEIR heads*

All these in one wedding!

LOL

Honestly, I found all these a tad annoying. I believe marriage, (i.e. when to marry, who to marry, how to marry etc) is a very personal something (I said 'I' believe. The word 'I' is also a very personal term. Biko, take note). I mean, it's bad enough that YOU think I'm getting old, and YOU think I don't have gehfriend, and YOU think I should settle down fast, but to come and blurt it right in my face, feigning contrived sympathy or whatnot, and telling me in supposed-to-be-humorous-but-pretty-damn-annoying ways to go get married quickly...c'mon! While we're at it, why don't you go ahead and zip my fly down and check if i'm circumcised? Since we're all about privacy invasion, we can as well go all out, no?

Rubbish and Nonsense.

Don't ask when I'm getting married. Don't hint. Don't haunt. Just pray. And wait for IV. If it comes your way.

C'est fini.

PS: I hear it's even worse for female siblings. If you're in these shoes, you all have my sincere sympathies.

Wedding Pictures:

Diran and I. Yes, they said I ate all the food, but truth be told, he didn't want any food! Whose fault?

There is a reason in Yoruba-land, weddings are called igbe'yawo, which is literally translated as 'The carrying of the wife'. As the legend goes, when young men in the village reach a ripe marriageable age, on a particular market day, they storm into the village square with the intention of finding a young virgin. When such one is sighted, the young man hurries to her, lifts her with his hands and carries her to his father's house, like an antelope caught from the forest. This is where the marriage rites of both families begin. This is why weddings are called igbe'yawo, 'The carrying of the wife'. Soon enough, the tradition was abolished in most villages, because, as it turned out, young men who were not strong enough to lift full-bodied and sometimes voluptuous virgins were growing old without wives; and also, plus-sized virgins were growing old without husbands, as there was nobody strong enough to to lift them! The Confederation of Yoruba Obas (CYO) convened an emergency meeting and unanimously agreed that this tradition should be stopped immediately. But the name of the rite was preserved as a memento for posterity - thus igbe'yawo is called so even until this day . It is rumoured that in some deep corners of the Ijesha kingdom, this 'barbaric' practice still goes on without inhibition.

See how fine Folsayo is. Diran just set the bar unnecessarily high oh, Chai! That's how people will come to my wedding and start whispering that after taking his sweet time he didn't even find fine wife!

This is what happens when the priest threatens to take away the bride if the voice of the groom isn't heard throughout the church: the groom sings with all his might! Hehe...

OK, so this last one isn't about the wedding. it's about the coming elections, and it's courtesy the small billboards at the mall. The message is pretty explicit. Please go and get your PVC and vote. Don't sit on the fence for any reason. Decide. Vote. And let your vote count. After you have cast your vote at the polling booth, wait for the votes to be counted and results announced. That's a sure way to ensure that your votes truly count. May the best man win.

God bless Nigeria!

8 Things I'm Grateful For

Source: http://goo.gl/bBxywq

So I'm grateful for a billion and three things. Most of which, I typically overlook. So, at this end of this topsy-turvy year, i'm listing, as much as I can, the 8 top things I am grateful for.

1. I'm grateful for God's love. It's immense and unfathomable. This isn't spiritual. It's factual. I believe out of all of God's creations, He loves me the most. I'm deeply grateful for that.

2. I'm grateful for my family. I believe every family is unique, like a thumbprint. Mine is as unique as can be. I'm grateful for my parents, as their idiosyncrasies go a long way in making me me. I'm grateful for my twin who is getting married soon. I'm grateful for the success of the preparations, and for his beautiful bride, Folusayo. I'm grateful for my other siblings, and for learning each day how to be a big brother and a role model. I'm grateful for Uncle Remi, who I learn from on a daily basis, for Aunty Jite, who I love very dearly, and who probably wouldn't believe it (lol), for Uncle Tope, who always removes the haughty clouds from my head and verbally reminds of the family I come from, and for Aunty Foluke, who always gives me work that I never get to doing :( (Lol! e jòó, e má bínú)

I'm grateful for my grandma. For my first decade+ on earth, she was unarguable my bestest friend. (Yeye, I'm prepping a separate and special piece for you)

3. I'm grateful for my boo. My friend and arm candy, she brings colour, fun and beauty to my life.

4. I'm grateful for my friends and colleagues. I have the coolest friends in the world. Starting with my two best friends, Belema (who is voting for GEJ in Feb 2015. We're so different, it's amazing how we get along so well. Me thinks it tells of my high degree of love and patience. hehe) and Kelechi (whose love for me is perhaps, next to God's. Lol! I'm grateful for that love. And I pray someday, I'll match and beat it :D). I'm grateful for my other friends too. They are too numerous to count. My colleagues from UNILAG and LBS...those from work, my crazy IT team in the office, my church goons I grew up with... I couldn't ask for better friends. Believe me. I'm grateful for where God has taken us, and the infinitesimal nature of where we are now, compared to where we will be. I'm grateful for those of you who read my blog too, from all over the world. Yes, I also call ye friends. (lol) I'm grateful for allowing me take a piece of your time with my thoughts. I'm also grateful for the feedback that makes this blog and my writing better.

5. I'm grateful for my mentors. For Becky, for George, for Attila, for Dr. Bakare, for Femi Ekujumi, for Dr. Ebun Fasina, for Dr. Adeleye, for Uncle Remi, those who I have had touchpoints with this year (thank you!), and those who I'm yet to have (forgive me!). You guys make me a better me. I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful for Mummy T and Mrs. Agunbiade. For no special reason. I'm just grateful. Still.

Also to Sam Adeyemi and Tony Robbins, my mentors who don't know I exist...yet (lol), but whose words and teachings inspire me in no small measure...I'm grateful.

6. I'm grateful for knowledge. I learn new things almost on a daily basis! From my family, to my workplace, to church, to the books I read, to the videos I watch, to what my mentors say, the knowledge is just...well, plenty!

7. I'm grateful for action. On my side, there has been very little of this, this year. I'm grateful for the wisdom to see this, the humility to accept this, and the will to make a change in 2015.

8. Lastly, I'm grateful for 2014. Wasn't the best year. If I were to do it again, I'll do a lot of things different. But still, I'm grateful. This reminds me of 2007, the year I dubbed 'My Worst Year Ever'. Lool! (Long story, to be told some other time) 2007 ended poorly to be honest, but 2008 overcompensated for it. So, inspite of 2014, I'm still grateful. Cos I have learnt. And I'm looking forward, with keenness, to applying those learnings and making 2015 the best year I have ever had.

Oluwaseun.

The Bible is Incomplete (Bible Musings Part I)

Source: http://bit.ly/1lPie1g

Wait. Before you bring out your match boxes and gallons of petrol, just hear me out. Try to listen to what I have to say, reason with me, and have an open mind. After which, you can go ahead and burn me, if you please.

But before I begin, let me lay down two important premises.
Premise 1: I am a Christian. I love and believe in God; and I also believe in the authenticity of the Bible as God's Word.
Premise 2: I do not claim to know all the answers. I probably even have more questions than answers; and I'm with this piece, trying to put some structure to my jumbled thoughts. So, biko, follow through with me. And if by any chance you get more confused after reading..well, welcome to the club :D

Now, the title is not just a marketing ploy. I mean every word. Think about it for a second...is the Bible really complete? Now, I'm not about to argue some faith-based circular reasoning that says 'The Bible is complete because the Bible says so' (pls refer to premise 1). Logic 101 tells me there's something inherently wrong with that line of reasoning. I strongly believe God gave us our minds to think and reason things out for ourselves, especially for things that are right out there in the open. And I consider this topic to be one of those things we should think about.

First, who wrote the Bible? Men did. Yes, you heard me. Men wrote the Bible. Largely inspired by God, yes, but penned down by the hands of men. From the historical early books, to the prophetical, the biographical, the letters, and to the revelational, men were those God used to write words that we call the Bible today. This fact is important.

Second, I don't think God sat down one day to say: Hmm..I think I need to author a book, and I'll solidly call it 'The Bible!' (ghen gheunn!!). I sincerely doubt that. In the days of Jesus, what we call the Old Testament were different and distinct books often referred to as 'Scriptures', which loosely means 'Writings'. Just imagine a white-bearded, Gandalf-looking, old man with a crooked walking stick called Isaiah (the old man is called Isaiah, not his walking stick - in case you read that wrong :p), writing down in Hebrew some prophesies that God revealed to him, and finally wrapping up these writings in a scroll for safe keeping. Now, also imagine a young lad in the bush tending to sheep and once in a while writing down poetry on a papyrus sheet and squeezing it into his tunic the moment he sees a hungry bear yawning and prancing towards his sheep to feed (Lool! Too dramaic?) Now imagine a very wise and wealthy king consumed out of deep love (and lust?) for some voluptuous babe(s?) and pens down how much he loves her body and wants to get into bed with her, coupled with his fantasies of her wanting him too (This particular book started with King Solomon Randy asking for a frenchkiss! Naughty, naughty King Solomon. Lool! Go read it from The Message Bible, if you don't believe me). Now fastforward a couple of centuries and imagine a filty, beaten prisoner with shackles on his hands and feet, dictating a letter to a friendly slave, who scribbles what the prisoner says and sends out the letter to his former master named Philemon.

These scenarios are exactly how the Bible was written. Men were the ones, in much later years, who decided to compile these different writings into one volume called 'The Bible'. I won't bother you with the history and controversy behind this compilation...Google (much unlike the Nigeria Police) is your friend here.

Third, and here is the clincher: The Bible is over 2,000 years old, with the earliest books written as far back as 3,500 years ago! Did God stop speaking somewhere along the line? Or do we have everything we would possibly need scribbled in 66+ holy books? Some would argue 'Yes we do!' I won't argue. I'll tell you what I think.

I think there is more to the Bible than the compilation of ancient writings.

So, the question is, if the Bible is incomplete, as I'm postulating, what then completes the Bible?

Two things:

1. If (notice how there has been too many 'ifs' in this piece?) God speaking to his prophets in ancient times and other interesting activities people decided to pen down, make up what we call the Bible, then it takes no rocket scientist to see the missing link in today's world. Books! There are a million and three solid, God-inspired books out there that are valid extensions of the Bible. God still speaks to his prophets, pastors, etc, who in turn write down what God has said. And I'm not talking just about spiritual or 'prophetic' books. I also mean the everyday inspiring books written by everyday people that inspire and motivate us to be better. Considering the fact that people like David, Solomon, Ruth, Job and the likes weren't prophets but wrote 'Scriptures' or had 'Scriptures' written about them, it goes to show that God can inspire everyday people too to write Bible extensions. Everyday people like you and me! Lool! (Of which, if you haven't read my God-inspired book, read it here. hehe...). And also, it means that everyday people can have books written about them inspire others. Now this is food for thought: Will your (auto)biography inspire people?
2. Now the major difference between those old buggers two thousand years ago and now is this: God speaks to us directly! And this is a huge shift. You see, in those days, people like King David, etc used to rely on Prophets (and their writings) to hear from God or to understand the best course of action in any situation. but with the advent of the Holy Spirit, we have direct access to God and his Word. This implies that I can simply ask God for stuff (direction/help/understanding, etc) and trust that He'll answer. I'm not reducing the relevance of the Bible. I'm simply saying there's a difference between 'what God said', and 'what God is saying'. I call it situational relevance! And this, in my opinion, is final piece that completes the Bible. Think about it. 

Do you agree?

Update:
This piece came about from a conversation I had with Ada, and a question she asked. She has also asked that I give credit where credit is due. So, babe, here you go!

...andddd I'm back!!!

Source: www.paulmcveigh.co.uk

It's been two years. Two years since I wrote here. I feel a bit sad and all, but i'll spare you guys the emotional crinkum-crankum. I got motivated by one of the directors in my office, who is a wife and a mother. I recently stumbled upon her blog and was just blown away! Someone, who is easily multiple times busier than I am, still finds time to blog. She writes so well, and consistently so. And she even sings in church sef. Shame on you Jide. Shame!!! With all my excuse of being too busy to do the little things that also matter, here is someone who seemingly does it so effortlessly.

Truth is, my life did really get busier. Work went up a couple of notches, girlfriend (yes, I've got one of those now) also requires 'quality time' as a sign of love (such a herculean task for a loner like me), my dad had a serious 'talk' with me about my being out of touch (at least he stayed away from the subject of marriage in THAT conversation! Or wait...did he??). I'm not even good with birthdays of friends anymore...sending half-hearted sms'es/bbms to celebrants or skipping the birthday altogether (I was once a birthday rockstar! I literally call ALL my friends on their birthdays. it's a very smart and cheap way of speaking to every single friend once a year :D - now it seems I don't even care :( ). Too many balls are getting dropped and frankly it's unnerving. And then there's CandyCrush! That tiny sugary parasite eats whatever tiny droplets of time I have left.

So that's how I got talking with my friend Simone (let's call her Simone). In this talk, she went on and on about how I was so energetic and disciplined and how she wanted to be like me, etc, etc. For a moment, I thought she was texting the wrong person (lol!) But I have been friends with Simone for close to a decade, so it seems she knew what she was saying, no? Still, I was taken aback by her statements - here I was, complaining about my indiscipline, and on the side of town, someone wants to be like me. Hmm. I then looked at my life critically and realized that I am disciplined. At least to some good degree. While in school, i put a lot of discipline to my books, and my relationships. Now, the same level of discipline helps with my work, and a few relationships. But I'm thinking there should be a greater level of discipline I can aspire to. There's some level of personal and professional effectiveness that ensure that I juggle every aspect of my life efficiently and with grace, without dropping any ball. That, in my opinion, is what I need right now to perform at my peak (My office people would find that last phrase interesting).

So I have started a journey with Simone. A journey to a higher level of discipline and the ensuing effectiveness. We started by understanding ourselves (strengths, weakness and all that shit - of which, we discovered during one of our exercises that one of my inherent weaknesses was indiscipline! Lool! I looked at Simone and said 'Ha! You see!!!'). Anyways, now we understand how to leverage our strengths and improve on our weaknesses. We're at the point where we make plans for the next 1, 3, 5, 10, 15 and 20 years! We define the most important part of our lives and think up what and how we want it to be in the future. Its a bit scary, but we're closing our eyes and doing it anyway (blind faith?). I'm guessing that's where discipline stems from - the temerity to pen down our goals and the tenacity to stick with them no matter what. I have always been good at that first part, I need God's help on the second one.

Writing this piece made me happy. Perhaps that's what discipline does to you at the end of the day - You feel fulfilled that you made a promise to yourself, and you kept it. And in turn, it gives you the right impetus to make and keep another promise to yourself, and another, and another. Talk about a virtuous cycle!

So here's to a long life of made and kept promises.

Source: http://renkocafe.nl/oefen-2/discipline.html

Who made my 2012?

Ok, so i'm sitting in the office now. My younger brother bashed my bumper this morning, and so I had to take my car to the mechanic. Or rather, I had to call the guy to come pick the car up. God knows it's needs a mechanic's touch. These days, i dunno who's driving who...am I driving the car, or is she driving me? Oh yeah, it's a she. My car is a she - a babe. My laptop sef is a babe. But that's another discussion for another day.

In my intense boredom, i decided to continue reading my novel - Clash of Kings. Yeah, by the way, I've started reading novels again! :D You see, sometime ago, I noticed i've not read a single novel for close to 5 years! I mean, is my life so serious that i dont have time to travel into the world of fantasy, adventure, action horror and gore? (I left out sex deliberately). Don't get me wrong, i read oh. But i got so bogged down reading very serious books from Anthony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Jack Welch, Stephen Covey, etc. I have a long waiting list sef, on my bedside table and in my wardrobe - books I've bought but I'm yet to read. A waiting list of serious books. Mscheew. Anyways, I decided to venture back to reading novels, and I have not regretted it. Maybe the reason why I stopped reading novels, was because i discovered the immense value in reading all these serious books. And I'm a cronic overdoer. I like cake, so I eat it a lot. I like(d) novels, so I read them a lot. I discovered these serious books, so I read them a lot too. (I like girls, so I ...)

Anyways, (I've said too much of anyways.) Anyways...I told a certain friend of mine to give me a novel to read. That didnt turn out well. So one day, i decided to plunge in and start with George Martin's Game of Thrones series. It's been a blast! That guy's mind is something else, I tell you. You should see the battle scenes he paints. So graphic, and so alive! And his characters, OMG! They're like SO REAL! I swear, i can relate with Tyrion Lanister (the dwarf - for those of you who have seen the series), and some other pseudo-despicable characters in the book. I'd advise anyone to take the book and read. Give your mind a boost.

Anyways, (here it is again), I sat back to read my book, but the prints on my iPhone is kinda small so I couldnt read for long. I usually read on my iPad - much bigger screen. So I stopped reading, and decided to tweet. No tweet was coming to mind...of which, i think i've lost my twitter mojo. or maybe i've gotten too busy. Who gets too busy to tweet? Sometimes, I get thoughts floating all around my head, and I'm like 'Hmm...I should tweet that!', but I'm just too lazy to pick up the phone. Lol! Of which, someone should invent a tweet app that is installed in the brain! You think up a tweet, then you think 'tweet that!' and it gets tweeted! Just like that! Wait...does my writing this idea mean I have an automatic copyright? Just in case some thieving genius reads my blog in the shower and twists the story... Anyways, you head it here first!

But this is all a bloody digression. This is perhaps what happens when boredom takes over the mind of a young man and he attempts to quell it by writing. My initial discourse was to be on people who made my 2012. And I got the idea by some tweet I happened upon.

(of which, it's past seven, and this mechanic has not come with car. God punish devil).

So, I'll just reel out names of people who made my 2012, and why. Please note that this list is in no order, and it's by no means exhaustive. Remember, I'm bored, and I'm writing this because I forgot my iPad at home. I'm better off reading George Martin, than putting my random thoughts in paper.

Anyways (!!!)...that said, I'll start with Deji Adebusoye. He worked in P&G before he left to INSEAD for his MBA. I've waited for 5 mins in order to try and craft how/why he made my 2012. But I dont have the time, nor the intellectual stamina to try to attempt such a task. So, just take his name. Next, Ifedapo Adeleye. He lectures at the Lagos Business School. Then there's Kemi Ogunyemi, who also lectures at LBS. She selflessly help me in some project I worked on (you'll hear about that soon). She also has this different and inexplicable way of looking at things. Next is some fine baby like that. I wont mention her name. My interaction with her made me a better person. She works on a rig. Lol! (Just so you'd know yourself. And just so the rest of you won't think it's you. :p )

OK, so I just called the mechanic and he is close. Time to pack up and post this. I'll make this list longer, and post it later.

Kindly pardon all my typose jare. For those who frequent my blog frequently, (is that phrase even correct sef? Abeg who cares), you'll know that I'm always very careful with my spelling, puctuation, etc. But tonight...well...

Thanks for reading :)

Do Have a very Merry Christmas and God bless you!

The Hafengers

OK, so I stole another blogpost. I fell in love with found a girl blog that was really cute, and funny. The very first post was hilarious, believe me, and something rang true about it. Twas written, by Her Excellency, Honourable Justice Rantalot. Don't ask. Just enjoy!

Almost on a daily basis, I see all these incredibly, amazingly astounding super-heores on TV. Saving America. Making a difference in Jand. When there’s about to be a nuclear blast, the center of the action is always New York, or Washington, or maybe London sef. But here in Naija…Nothing!!! No super ‘anytin’. We’re on our very own.

If you push someone off a five-storey building, the person will land, face first, because Superman won’t come. If trailer is coming at you and you have nowhere to run, it will jam you because there’s no Incredible Hulk to stop it. If somebody ties you with rope, there's no Wolverine with his knuckle-knives to come and cut it. Or even when you want to buy something and the igbo-guy selling it calls price for you, Professor Xavier won’t be there to help you read his mind and tell you whether he’s cheating you. The list goes on and on and on. We Nigerians are at a disadvantage without super-heroes.

The question then is this – Are Superman and co being unnecessarily unfair? I’ve thought long and hard about it. I have also discussed it at length with my not-so-imaginary friend, Kaptain Private and we have concluded that you can’t blame them. If I were a super-hero, I’d stay away from Nigeria too.

Imagine Batman wants to sharply go rescue someone in Ajah in his Batmobile, and he’s coming from Ikorodu. Before he reaches, the person would either have died or rescued himself. He’ll use one hour to battle potholes in Ikorodu. Police will stop him and ask why his windows are tinted. Okada will bump and scratch his ride. When he’s about to enter Island, they would have closed 3rd Mainland Bridge...etc.

Or say Thor wants to sharply break one armed-robbers head, he finds that someone has stolen the hammer. Yes. The same hammer that only Thor’s supposed to be able to carry. Naija boys will move that thing and nothing will happen.

Magneto, on the other hand, is jejeli performing his duties. He stretches his supernatural hand and calls all the metals to himself. Little does he know that almost everything is fake. When you’re calling silver and gold and it’s only fake fake Aba made things that are there. Aba made things don’t respond to anybody. Magneto would be a waste here.

Perhaps Iron Man wants to run from one bad guy. He jumps from the building and waits for his Iron man suit to come and meet him. Unfortunately, NEPA has taken light. There is no light to open the door for the suit. And Iron Man lands *SPLAT*. The End.

Superman won’t be able to fly, for all the Nepa Poles. He’ll keep getting tangled. And when he rescues someone and he’s flying to take them to a safe place; If he mistakenly flies over Benin, All those ‘birds’ will ‘un-rescue’ the person.

Spiderman nko? Is it buildings that are waiting to collapse he wants to be swinging from. Kaptain Private said Spidey will prolly have to operate Okada. Smh.

If Hulk uses too much power to jump on all these our badly done roads, He’ll end up underground. And then he, the superhero, will need rescuing.

You see how risky the super-hero business is in Naija? Why do you think no Nigerian has even invested in flying suits and such?

The only heroes we can boast of here are babalawos, witches and policemen…“The Hafengers”.

If the super heroes should even decide to come, I can only imagine the things Naija people will ask for -

“Mr Fantastic, I want to do my BIS oh. Abeg stretch hand and get money for me. Thank you, Sir.”

“Thor, see that girl snatched my boyfriend. Use your hammer and bury her for me.”

“Wolverine please help me give my child tribal mark. All three lines at a go.”

“Wonder Woman shey you’ll help me pose and trick my husband. I want to see if the idiot is cheating on me.”

Even kidnappers will start asking Superman to help them hide their victims in Mars.

If you were a superhero, would you come to Naija?
O_o

Yours truly, Rantalot.

Have you stopped laughing? Lol!!!!

Soliloquy

At what point do I stop looking?
At what point do I end this stare so lecherous?
Seeming uninterested, cold stare, unbeckoning
Yet down  below pulses intently. Treacherous
At what point do I step up?
Brace up, firm up
At what point do I speak?
With my tender heart quivering, wondering,
if it will get what it seeks

At what point do we stop being friends
And go a step higher?
I'm pretty damn sure we were made for each other
At what point will you see that?
At what point will all this end?
At what point would you stop running away
And listen to what I have to say?
At what point would I stop being weak?
At what point do i stop longing
for much more than a kiss on my cheek?

In the midst of all ache the intrigue brings,
At what point do I finally realize that you're out of my league?

(c) 2012 Jide Olatunbode

Day 23: She's Gone

Interesting how sudden an inspiration comes in the midst of extreme sadness. This is the first of two. This is meant for you.

She's gone
Right before she came, she's gone
Just before we met, she left
Right before my stare, she disappeared
She's my queen and I know it
She's my heart and I feel it
But after the feeling, it's gone
Just before it came, it's gone
She's the girl of my dreams
Is she gone?

(c) 2012 Jide Olatunbode

Day 20 - A Tale of Two Football Boots

*sigh*

I know. I did it again. This time, on a grander scale. And this time, there's no one to blame. Sadly. My excuse? Really, I have none. Been having very full days and all, though. Anyways, no excuse. I messed up. I'll try to be faithful, but I'm giving no promises. (Dear future wife, please ignore that last statement. God bless you as you do so)

I'll make it up. Today I'm gisting of something quite interesting. Well, I consider it interesting, you be the judge.

As you've figured, I'll be talking about my football boots. You won't believe the interesting story the pair holds. First of all, let me explain the circumstances surrounding the purchase of this striking pair of boots.

I got into the MBA programme with the aim of doing a couple of things. First of all, I wanted to misbehave. Grossly. And that I did. No further comments needed. Secondly, I wanted to improve my spoken Yoruba, my mother tongue. I got my friends like Tolu and Foluke to always converse in Yoruba with me (they never did), and always correct my failings (they always did, after a few rounds of annoying laughter). Thirdly, I wanted to play the guitar, so I bought a cute guitar, got some materials from Akinwunmi, learnt three chords from Uzoma, and have been practising my three chords ever since! I'm kinda having trouble moving gracefully from one chord to the other. Hopefully, I'll have the time to learn more soon.

I never wanted to play football.

To be clear, I like football. I like the thrill of victory and serenity of defeat. I organised an interdepartmental football competition in my undergraduate days and watched how full grown men broke down in tears after losing the semi-finals in a penalty shoot-out. I even spearheaded the supporters' club for my MBA class' football team in our first year. So yeah, football was my thing...watching and enjoying it, not playing it. And by the way, I'm a fan of the best and the richest club in the world. Go figure.

But in my second year, I decided to give playing a shot. I cannot particularly remember why I decided to play. Maybe I figured I had the requisite skills needed to play well (I did), or I could perform better than some centerbacks that were on the team (I could), or maybe the team was incomplete one day and someone asked Jide to make up the numbers. Whatever the reason, fact is, I started playing. And I played well. I wasn't exceptional at first though. There was the learning curve to navigate. But I learned fast. I remember in one of my first matches, when the ball got to me, my head will always be down, looking at the ball, thus hindering my movement and my sight...until someone shouted 'Jide, look up and pass the ball!' And that I did. I subsequently learnt how to move with my eyes scanning for my next move/pass, trusting my feet to handle the ball well. Another hilarious moment was when I was in the box during a match, and the ball was almost zooming past me into the net with some incredible speed, and suddenly, by some reflex, my hands shot up and stopped the ball in mid-air! A penalty was conceded. Luckily, we were leading by five goals, so it wasn't a biggie. I never learnt how to hold both hands behind my back while inside the box until the the very first game of the Dean's Cup competition where I committed the same offence. If not for the dexterity of our goalkeeper, Jonathan, we would have lost that match. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here...

Akin, our team captain, had enough faith in me, and so I made the first team. I can't remember the poor dude I replaced (lol!). Anyways, the highlight of our 'football season' at the Lagos Business School' is the Dean's Cup. As the competition approached, we began to prepare earnestly. I was getting better and better with each training session or friendly match. But there was one problem: I did not have a pair of football boots. :(

Depending on the kind of game, I usually played barefeet, or I used a pair of white sneakers that kind of stood out. The sneakers were good, but was slippery against the grass. And, as my teammates never failed to remind me, it made me look like a secondary school interhouse sport champion or prefect (depending on who was doing the yabbing). Impervious as I was to their jabs, it was still imperative that I get a proper pair of boots against the Dean's Cup competition.

So that's how Funto, Tunde and I went shopping. After a bit of searching I found the perfect pair. But it was N6,500! Can you freaking imagine! Six Thousand, Five Hundred Naira. That's like 4 months of BIS! On top football boot? When I heard the price, I knew the Ibo boys had to be pulling some stunt. Tunde said I should forget it, that the price was exhorbitant. So we left.

I later thought that it wouldn't make sense to train so hard with the team all through the year, and miss playing at the Dean's Cup because of some lousy expensive pair of boots. I then personally went round looking for another pair of boots, but couldn't find. Wait..I didnt tell you guys why the pair of boots was that expensive, and why I couldn't find an alternative. It's simple: I have pretty large feet. No further comments needed.

Anyways, I figured that the only way buying the pair was going to be worth it was if we won the Dean's Cup competition. Anything less would be tantamount to flushing money down the toilet. Literally. So I closed my eyes and bought the pair, saying a prayer that God should smile on my team.

Now fast forward to the first match we played. My team quickly put in two goals into the opponent's net. When the second goal went in, I looked at my boots and smiled. Things were looking up. Second half started, and suddenly our opponents scored. This was shocking to say the least. We gathered ourselves together and 'gingered' a bit. Few minutes afterwards, they scored again! Now it was all leveled. This time, I was scared. Not just because it seemed the game was slipping away from our grasps, but because my capital investment hasn't fully depreciated. In management parlance, I figured that using the straight-line method of depreciation, my boots should fully depreciate in 3 football matches (competition matches, not friendlies, mind you). This was the first match, and it didn't look like we would win. Financial disaster loomed! (It was somewhere around this time I had that slip of the hand. Thank God for Jonathan oh).

By this time, team morale had dropped a couple of notches, but we tried and tried and tried and tried to score, but couldnt. Until the full-time whistle was blown. Truth is, our defence was rock solid - there was Otisi at the left back, Obuns and Feyi in the middle, and of course me at the right. The indefatigable Tito was in the defensive midfield - some airtight sturves, trust me. In fact, Jonathan the goalkeeper was busy replying his blackberry messages while the game was ongoing, because the ball hardly reached his box. But we needed to score, and we needed to score desperately. At least, for my boots' sake. For my N6,500.

Extra time proved no different. We tried and tried and tried and tried to score, but couldnt. Until the final whistle was blown. It was now time for penalties. Anyone who has even an iota of knowledge about football would realise that when the match is to be settled by penalties, it's anybody's game. This one was worse. Our best players were the ones who messed up! All the guys who couldn't score a penalty to save their lives were the ones making the shot, including Otisi who had a broken leg! The penalty scores were so close, that ALL TEN players in each team had to play. Yet there was no clear winner. It was down to a sudden death between the two goal keepers. The tension on the field was so tight, I couldn't watch. The opponents goal keeper took the first shot. A powerful shot. It went over the bar. The jubilation from our camp was thunderous! It was now time for our keeper to take his own shot. If he misses, the penalties would start all over again. If he gets it, we win. Jonathan looked round, visibly peeved at the overstretched penalties.

"Can I take my gloves off?" He asked a nearby teammate.

Of course!

So he hurriedly took his gloves off, walked towards the ball, sized it up and moved back to take the shot.

The silence on the pitch was deafening. I could hear Jonathan's boots moving across the grass from where I was hiding my face.

Jonathan took the shot.

Jonathan scored!

The pitch erupted! Everybody ran towards our star keeper, carrying him and shouting his name. All of a sudden we were in Rome, and Jonathan was our Ceaser, back from conquering the Spartans. Screams of JO-NA-THAN!, JO-NA-THAN,! JO-NA-THAN! filled the air. It was a moment i'd live to remember. Our very first match, a very tough game, and a very deserved win. My boots couldn't agree more.

We went on to win the competition, and we emerged champions, again. My boots finally had its moments on the pitch, and I had my moments of fun and glory.

Now the pair is hung somewhere in my room, together with my gold medal. I'm thinking of building a glass case with gold rims, and putting the boots in it...a tribute to, and a reminder of, the days when I attempted something I had little knowledge of, and succeeded; and also of the great powers in teamwork.

Some pictures...

At the beginning of the competition. From left to right (back) we have Gbenro, Tunde (highest goal scorer), Tosin, Moi, Obuns, Funto. And squatting we have (from left to right) Tito, Feyi, Jonathan, Mojeed and Otisi.

Obuns was my partner in arms. I believe we learnt together cos he was just darn indisciplined when I started. He always wanted to score. Can you imagine a central defender running upfront at every given opportunity with the hope that his luck shines, hereby leaving gaping holes at the back? OR sometimes attempting to score in his own goalpost! But he learnt. We became a solid tag team at the back

The team after winning the gold medal. Notice Akin ostentatiously displaying his captain's band. The guy is just too proud... Also notice the two guys behind holding up the banner. That's Fisayo and Seun. They did so well in holding up that banner, that they were giving gold medals too!

The expanded team members, including those on the bench. Just subtract those in the previous picture from this one, and you'd see who the benchwarmers are. The guy at the extreme left, yeah, the one with height issues, that's Coach Zezu. He did a great job by the way.

The thrill of victory!

Official pose for Nike

Tunde, the highest goal scorer getting his salary from some random babe. *sigh* I wish I scored those goals...

Up and coming football star

And finally, the picture of me in my white boots which made my teammates laugh so hard. If you're not seeing the picture, or if you're seeing an X, please refresh your browser. Keep refreshing, soon enough, the picture would emerge.

Mscheew.

Day 3 - Lessons from my MBA

So it's Day 3 and I skipped Day 2. It wasn't my fault, I tell you. It's all the fault of SisiJacobs who failed to deliver the necessary prodding this time around. Well, technically it wasn't her fault too, but you see, I find it hard to blame myself, so I seek the easiest person around to cast the blame on - poor SisiJacobs. (lol!)

My human frailties aside, let's gist about something much more interesting, like my MBA experience.

I graduated from the University of Lagos with a First Class in Computer Science. I majored in Software development, and it was rumoured that I could write a program to do literally anything! (Pardon my hubris) I won a competition, or two...sought to be hired by some IT firm or two...etc. I was living the good life. Or so it seemed.

But somehow I knew there was a lot missing. There's only so much a first degree can give you in terms of knowledge. In truth, it's kind of a straightjacket experience, my first degree. I wanted to know more...to be more... I didnt want to live my life glued to a computer screen, no matter how enticing the salary. So I decided to write ACCA. Looking back now, that would've been one of the greatest mistakes of my life. Lol! I found (somewhere along the line) that crunching financial numbers could be very similar to churning out computer codes. But by some stroke of luck, I decided to do an MBA instead. Maybe the fact that I got a full scholarship helped in the decision-making process, we'll never know now, would we?

Anyways, I was in a bus yesterday, squeezed tight between two people, enroute to a meeting, and I was thinking back on how far I've grown during this two-year MBA period. When I got to the meeting, someone asked me what my greatest learning is from the MBA. After I bit of thought, I settled on the answer: The MBA changed my way of thinking! Maybe it's the hundreds of real life business cases we did, or the interactions with real business people and real business problem, or whatever. But somehow, I handle issues very differently like I would have 2 years ago. Also, I don't feel as inadequate as I felt after finishing my first degree. In fact, i feel sort of complete. Not complete like I dont need to know anything else. Far from it. Complete, as in, I now know what I know, what I need to know, and how to go about knowing it! (Lol!) It's kinda like the MBA gave me the some tools I need to make the best of my existence, in the business world and in other areas of my life. I may be overstretching it a bit, but I doubt.

No, I won't go into specifics. There's not enough time, believe me. But I'll do this. I'll tell you about the great people I met during my MBA and what my interaction with them taught me.

There's Funto, who taught me the benefit of working with a great person, and the synergies that'll ensue (Not that he's that great :p). Working with my group (Group 4) also taught me how important team selection and team diversity is. The more diverse your team, the richer the ideas it churns out. Interestingly, I also learnt that in a political situation, the best doesn't necessarily win. People (especially very smart people) always believe that their merit will speak for them. In a democracy, that doesn't always work. It's the softer (and sometimes sinister) issues like emotional attachments, what's-in-it-for-me-ness, bad blood, and even tribal sentiments, etc that goes a long way in deciding who gets what. So, if you think you're the best and you're vying for some position or resource, dont just think that by reeling out all your great accomplishments and past leadership positions people would suddenly see how great thou art. It doesn't always work that way, I've learnt.

Otisi taught me hard lessons in appreciating other people's points of view, regardless of how dissenting they may seem. Motolani taught me that love is hardwork and sacrifice. Tomi Ogunlesi taught me the essence of branding yourself and the merit it brings (and also the demerits of overdoing it). Dr. Goke taught me that no idea is useless. Ezechi awed me with his utmost selflessness. I won't say he taught me, cos I'm still learning that one. There's a lesson in my interaction with Fisayo Ojelabi...i'm still figuring that out.

A lot of people also taught me stuff with a negative connotation, but I wont mention their names. Miss X taught me that you cannot be friends with everybody. You shouldn't even try. Just make sure no one has a cogent reason to dislike you. Miss Y taught me that internal change precedes (and perhaps supercedes) external change. If you desire longlasting change, start from within.

I'll stop here. I'm sure you get the point. There's a whole lot of brain adjustment and realignment that has occured during this period. I'm glad I didn't miss out. I'm glad I did an MBA, and I'm glad I did it at the Lagos Business School.

Before the day runs out, I'll drop yesterday's post. Stay tuned.

Ciao.

Day 1 - Do Come Along

Hi everyone,

So today is the 1st of July, and I stumbled on this 30-day challange thingy I felt I should be a part of. Thanks to a lil bit of prodding from SisiJacobs, here's my first post.

Well, it's not a post as in a story, or an article, or something I usually do. I think I should use Day 1 to tell everyone what they should expect in the next 30 days. Believe me when i say it's going to be a ride you do not want to miss.

First of all, I'm going through some sort of turning point in my life. I'm rounding off my MBA at the Lagos Business School and I'm at that point where I'm beginning to ask 'What Next?' I intend doing a bit of planning, and soul searching. Would share a bit of that with you. Just a bit. hehe...

Secondly, during this period, i'd also be reading a lot of books! Mostly business management and motivational sort of books. I'm currently reading Jack Welsh's Winning, which, in my opinion, is a must read for every employee (let's ignore the employers for now. They have enough money). I'd be sharing some insights and ideas I get from them. I'll start with Winning. I promise to shock you with that post. Or not.

Ah yes! I'm launching a book soon! Sometimes this month, my book on Academic Excellence is going to be launched. It's really looking like a fun-filled month already. I'll fill you in on that one too as it develops.

And finally, my birthday is on the 16th. I'll be 85. I know...I'm old but still hot and all. I told my friends on facebook (and I'm telling you too), that I want a Nikon camera for my birthday. I know you guys love me and all, but it's time to prove it! :p

All things being equal, I should begin my first post-MBA job too. Very intense month, I tell you. You know it's at the beginning of a new job where you try to impress your bosses as much as possible - make them believe you can brew coffee from breeze leaves, etc. I'll fill you guys in on my miserable attempts. Not that this job is entirely new per se...(shhhh....I won't tell you any more. Till that day comes. Whatever day it is)

So, fasten your seatbeats, sit back and relax cos we're going to be crusing at an altitude of 33,000 feet above sea levels...bla bla bla...

Let the adventure begin.

Ad Heckle Ultimo

I know I said I wouldn't do this
I promised myself I'd wean
But here I am, still going through this
Kinda like a battle I cannot win
It's an impossible task trying to avoid you
Or how do I run from where my heart leads?
How do I know when my time's due?
How would I stop listening? How would I heed?
How do I erase all the memories?
How do I even begin to breathe?
How do I stop the fantasies?
I don't want, but damn, I so need!

Your scent lingers on my nostrils
Tugging. Taunting. Torturing.

Your face seared on my mind, still
How I get by is simply beyond me
The sad part is you don't see what I see, how I see it
The hard part is you don't feel what I feel, how I feel it
I'm left with faded whispers and distant echoes, broken blisters and tumbled legos
Clay dessert, a tuneless song,

My wounded heart, my silent tongue.

(c) 2012 Jide Olatunbode